Positive Breeds Positive

 

 

Positive Breeds Positive: Make your life what you want it to be

 

A little over twelve years ago, my life was forever changed, when I was stricken with the first of the chronic health problems, which were destined to define a large part of my life. At that point, the athlete that I had been for most of my life was taken from me. The continually active person that I had been, ceased to exist, never to return to the level of the past.

 

The following five years would be mired by diagnosis after diagnosis of new condition or disease. At one point I actually vowed to not see doctors anymore, just so they would not be able to diagnose me with anything further.  Each day became harder and harder to manage, both mentally, and because of the chronic pain I had to endure. I did less and less, until finally the only time I was leaving the house was for appointments and medical tests. The medications I was taking were, in some cases, causing just as severe of problems as the illness’s themselves. I was in my late 20’s, yet I was quickly ending up with the body and health of an 80 year old.

 

At this point came the night that would change everything, and eventually be responsible for all the happiness I have today. It was both the worst and best night of my life. The pain had built and built for so long, as had the depression. I had reached the point at which I did not want to continue. I did not want to go on. I literally spent the night wishing to die. Verbally crying out, for someone, somewhere to just let me die! Encompassed in agony, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I did not have the strength; I did not have reason, or desire to fight any longer. Somehow, at some point in the night, a switch was flipped. Everything changed.

 

My mind went from thoughts of fading into oblivion, to a determination to make my life as good as it could possibly be, with what I had been given to deal with. Right then and there I decided to take the positive out of anything and everything that would ever be presented to me. I was going to remain fun, fun loving, cheerful, and witty. I was going to be…ME!

 

In the short term, this meant that I had an overall more positive outlook on life. Through all the difficult things I was dealing with in my life, I kept a smiling face, and a light heart. I concentrated on my friends, both near, and online. I realized how many great people I had surrounded myself with, and that I had many people who truly cared about me. I was doing it. I was dictating my life, and how it made me feel.