Changes

Change is always a good thing, and like most good things for you, we don't always take to them because we don't know how good for us it can be. Change is what keeps you on your toes, it keeps your mind awake and allows you to evolve. Comfort is a good thing, but change is a necessary thing. I have always steered clear of change for a good portion of my life. Like the feeling of a warm blanket, knowing something new and possibly difficult wasn't about to jump in my way and cause upheaval in my life, was comforting. So that's how I spent 27 years of my life. In a never-changing cycle of events that I liked and felt comfortable in. Little did I know the misery that was waiting in the wings because of a static life. I hung out with all the same people, and did all the same things. As a result, I gained weight, learned nothing new, and just got angrier and more jealous that everything was happening to everyone else.

It wasn't until change forced its way into my life in the form of my father's passing, that a series of events that would completely change everything was set in motion. When I was young my parents kept me sheltered, I wasn't allowed to take many risks, and I was provided with everything I needed. So I just lived with them until my father passed away, and then I stayed with my mother until she decided to sell my childhood home and move to Puerto Rico a few years later. It was around then that I realized what I was becoming. I really couldn't imagine living with her for the rest of her life, only to have nothing when all those comforts I was used to were gone. That's when I decided to search, for who I am, and who I would become. I began by leaving behind all the things I knew and grew comfortable having. I decided to throw myself into a new situation completely unfamiliar to me, so I moved to England to live with a friend and see a new country. I lived there for as long as my visa allowed, surviving on my inheritance left to me by my father. My dear friend there was the first to really make me think about the future, and a bit of tough love got me moving, in some direction at least. 

After living in England for six months, the maximum allowed time without some change in national status, I returned to the States determined to start my own life. I moved to Connecticut with some friends and after a few months I noticed I was just going back to the same old habits. Now having help from your friends is a great thing, and I will always appreciate them for all they've done for me, but too much help can hinder you rather than help you. It's like that "too big to fail" concept. No matter how much I mess up, I'll always have help to avoid falling on my face. Sometimes the fear of falling is the only thing that will make you pay attention enough to avoid it. So secretly I hatched a plan to disappear. I figured if I just left one day and no one knew where I was, I wouldn't have the help I'd always relied on  before. One night I came up with a plan, and the next day I implemented it. Looking back it was fairly drastic, and a little dramatic. I literally got in my car with all my things and left for Ohio where I only knew two people. I figured it was few enough friends to force me to do things on my own, but just enough that I wouldn't be completely alone. 

When I first arrived in Ohio I had no home, no place to stay and very limited funds. I stayed at an extended stay hotel for a month while I found a job, and through a little networking, a roommate in the form of a friend of a friend. I won't say it was at all easy; I met new friends, lost some friends, and was faced with possibly failing several times. But through it all I remembered my father, he was always my hero, he did everything to make sure he did what an honorable man is supposed to do. So I had to succeed, not only for me, but for him. A couple of years, a couple of jobs, and a couple of roommates later and I was finally tasting a bit of success. I was living on my own, I had a good job, and I was meeting new people I was proud to call friends. Another year or so later and I finally met the person that would really change everything for me. Sitting at work one day I was asked to train a woman who transferred over from another department. Normally I hate having to train new people, but after taking one look at her I knew she would somehow change the core of who I was. I call her my wife now, and I will always remember how I once said I'd never be married. Not because I didn't want to, but more so because I didn't even consider that kind of change coming into my life. Now I laugh at the thoughts I once had. I remember some one asking me how I knew she was "the one," I answered, "because I couldn't imagine her not being there, she IS home to me." So change isn't so bad, life's still not easy, but change has become a lot easier to deal with, because I learned to change with it instead of fighting against it.